Been a while since I blogged.  I stopped because every time I did someone was upset at my words or lack of certain words.  I will try to stay away from the emotions and the desires but I can't promise I won't slip.  I went swimming this morning and boy my back is on fire.  I have to work through this pain and continue with the exercise.  I have to get back on track and drop the remaining 100+.  I made a promise to myself and I did feel very good at accomplishing the loss of that first 50 or so.  If I don't do this I need someone to come down here and kick my ass.

I have picked up a few books to help with my mental state.  The first book I am reading right now is "You can be Happy No Matter What" by Richard Carlson, PH.D.  I stumbled upon it while at Half Price Bookstore looking for books on the inner child concept.  (Yup, still working on that.  I guess I need help bad.)

My trip to Boston is still on.  I am looking forward to visiting Mansfield and Biddeford Pool.  I know I need to spend some time at the beach where I found my happiness while I was at college.  That is where I go when I go to my happy place in my head.  I need to recharge that memory so I can draw strength from that happy place in my head again.

I know success is one thing that has brought me happiness in the past.  Success in completing a major task, well something I considered major.  I know that I did feel a little happiness at the weight loss so I am going to continue that and I have started a number of projects that I stalled on.  I need to feel the success from within, not from without.  I need to pat myself on the back and feel good from that and not look to others to give me the praise.  Although praise from others is good and does make one feel awfully great but you have to really depend upon one's self for the good feelings, that happiness, that feeling of success.  I have to stop waiting for my mom to tell me I did a great job because it's not going to happen. 

Enough of that.  I am going to be happy.  I am going to be thin.  I will complete this journey (even if it kills me)!  Read this or not doesn't matter to me.  I write this for myself not for anyone else.