284.6 this morning.  I am steadily making my way down again.  I noticed that my post a few days ago which was not a good one had a high view count and yesterday's bounce back had a very low count.  Are people more interested in reading the misery than the feel goods?  I certainly have misery in my life but I think everyone does, or at least we perceive we do.  My life isn't as bad as I think; it’s just not as I want it to be.  I think that's the case for most people.  We want so much for ourselves and yet we can't be happy with the little we are given.  Why?  That's a good question and I have been asking myself that for a while now.  Why do I feel the way I do?  Why do I hang onto the past?  Why can't I be happy with what I have been given?  I know the answers to a few of the other questions I asked myself and have been trying to act upon on them.  We have to be honest with ourselves and others.  But sometimes that honesty can get us into trouble.  I often speak before I think things through and other times I think things through way too much.  I have to find that middle ground.

Tina asked me last night "how does one live with a broken heart?"  I wasn't sure how to answer that and thought about it all last night and this morning.  I think you just do, you have to give yourself some hope, hope that things will get better.  Hope is the key to keeping one going through anything.  My hope, well, is that at the end of this journey I will find happiness, self-acceptance, and maybe one of my dreams will come true.  (Probably not but I can hope one does.)  That's what keeps me going now.  I set myself some big goals, just a few.  The first goal is to lose the weight.  The second is to find happiness.  The third goal is to move back to New England.  I set smaller ones in each of the three to help.  For the weight loss I set small goals like reaching each 10 pound increments, as well as getting my time up on the elliptical which I did 2 minutes 30 seconds (don't laugh you hardcore elliptical users, I do that after a 30 minute walk).  The happiness, I am trying to accomplish things I use to find joy in like the writing and quilting.   I do plan to try other things to see if they give me joy.  The dancing while hard right now seems to be a lot of fun; I'll admit I am not the greatest at it but it does put a smile on my face.

Yeah, I know I rambled today; lots going through my head this morning and just had to write them down.  I still wonder why the viewing count was so high for that depressing blog.