Not much to say but it has been a long week with only one highlight and that was Saturday morning when I stepped on the scale at the gym and it read 281.8.  I am sticking to the diet, well not really a diet, just cut back (way back) on the amount of intake.  The food isn't the hard part; I am eating just about anything I want at this point just in small amounts.  I have limited myself to about 1200 calories a day, usually less.  The exercise was the problem, getting to the gym and now that has changed.  They opened the pool back up this morning at the gym close by me.  So now, I will be returning to the morning and night routines. 

I think the big problem with losing weight is the time it takes.  You only see a little bit at a time and that can be very depressing.  It's hard to see the changes in one's own body without really looking because you see yourself every day and the little changes just slip in.  Its only when you closely exam or think about the things one can do now like moving this way or that or seeing your toes do you get a sense of change.  I guess that's why a number of the books suggest taking pictures along the way.  (Gee and here I was taking pictures of the scenery!)  The exercise is hard only because of the aches and pains that comes with it but I keep telling myself it will get better and that I am just that a little closer to the end, the payoff, the reward, a thinner me.  That's what you have to keep telling yourself; well that's what I tell myself.  I do this for myself, so that I can be free to do as I please like riding roller coasts or scuba diving.  Yes, I would like to learn how to scuba dive.  I know I can do it; I set myself out to learn to dance and I did that.  Granted I don't dance that well but I do enjoy it. 


Other notes for today: I am still at 2 minutes 30 seconds for the elliptical; I swear I will get to 30 minutes some day on that son-of-a-bitch!  I worked on the second quilt last night and wasn't happy with the results.  I have to get that done by this weekend.

Working from home today.  Bad day for my nose and head, Texas allergies are kicking my ass.  God I hate Texas!  Little to no sleep last night as I was trying to wrestle my own weak mind.  I did get up at 3:45 and go to the gym, walk and swim as usual.  I am trying to stay focused on the simple task of losing weight and not let my mind wander onto other topics that plague me right now.  No solutions for those other issues at the moment so its best just to let them stew until I am stronger or ready to deal with them.

I can see a difference in my belly (I know gross for most of you) but  I can see the difference almost 40 pounds has made.  It does give me hope for a thinner me.  I am very anxious for it but I know it will take time.  Time is all I got well, at least that's what it seems like.

We had dance class last night and we started the Swing dance (God I don't like it!)  It rates up there with the Cha Cha in step difficulty specially the double turns...step forward, rock back, turn the lady, step forward, rock back, step forward, take her back for another turn, rock back, step forward and dance together.  Seems easy enough, just try doing it FAST! and with all the hand motions.  I was confused, I think I got worse as I danced more! We did end the class with a Tango which made me feel better about the evening.  I just hate the small room and the constant turning when Tangoing.  Elaine was inviting everyone to a Swing dance on Sunday but I think we are opting out, not ready for swing and I got a quilt to finish ASAP.  This quilt is taking longer as I have to press every seam I sew before working on the next and there are 280 pieces.  Yike! Once I get them all together in to the columns then the process should speed up.  Still not looking forward to Tina's quilt with the trapezoids but it will get done.  I am trying to keep myself busy and be productive with those things I like or liked to do.

Oh, the number for today is 282.6  yup skipped over another number.  I like when I do that makes me want to skip and jump for joy.  My small goal is 280 and its just around the corner.  My bigger goal is 50 pounds before Thanksgiving, what do you think, think I will do it?

284.6 this morning.  I am steadily making my way down again.  I noticed that my post a few days ago which was not a good one had a high view count and yesterday's bounce back had a very low count.  Are people more interested in reading the misery than the feel goods?  I certainly have misery in my life but I think everyone does, or at least we perceive we do.  My life isn't as bad as I think; it’s just not as I want it to be.  I think that's the case for most people.  We want so much for ourselves and yet we can't be happy with the little we are given.  Why?  That's a good question and I have been asking myself that for a while now.  Why do I feel the way I do?  Why do I hang onto the past?  Why can't I be happy with what I have been given?  I know the answers to a few of the other questions I asked myself and have been trying to act upon on them.  We have to be honest with ourselves and others.  But sometimes that honesty can get us into trouble.  I often speak before I think things through and other times I think things through way too much.  I have to find that middle ground.

Tina asked me last night "how does one live with a broken heart?"  I wasn't sure how to answer that and thought about it all last night and this morning.  I think you just do, you have to give yourself some hope, hope that things will get better.  Hope is the key to keeping one going through anything.  My hope, well, is that at the end of this journey I will find happiness, self-acceptance, and maybe one of my dreams will come true.  (Probably not but I can hope one does.)  That's what keeps me going now.  I set myself some big goals, just a few.  The first goal is to lose the weight.  The second is to find happiness.  The third goal is to move back to New England.  I set smaller ones in each of the three to help.  For the weight loss I set small goals like reaching each 10 pound increments, as well as getting my time up on the elliptical which I did 2 minutes 30 seconds (don't laugh you hardcore elliptical users, I do that after a 30 minute walk).  The happiness, I am trying to accomplish things I use to find joy in like the writing and quilting.   I do plan to try other things to see if they give me joy.  The dancing while hard right now seems to be a lot of fun; I'll admit I am not the greatest at it but it does put a smile on my face.

Yeah, I know I rambled today; lots going through my head this morning and just had to write them down.  I still wonder why the viewing count was so high for that depressing blog.

Well I am back on the treadmill of life; doing that endless walk to thinnerness.  (Is that a word?)  I got a little pep talk from a friend about not giving up.  That this is about me and FOR me.  That the reward or payoff at the end will be something, who knows what but there will be something there.  There will be at least a thinner happier healthier me at the end.  Trust me it's still hard with all the aches and pains I feel, especially in my back.  I know one payoff I pray for is that the backaches will stop.  I'll probably need a few more pep talks before this journey is done.  I was up and out the door by 4am and on the treadmill in short time.  I even did 2 minutes and 15 seconds on the elliptical.  (Yup, I am still braving that one.)  Was nice in the pool; it really helps my back and burns the calories.  I suggest to anyone wanting to lose weight that swimming is a great way to burn calories.  Yes, I am told you do sweat while swimming. 

I finished one quilt and will take it to a long arm quilter this Saturday for her to put it all together for me.  She says she can have it ready by the end of November.  I started working on the second quilt and I am going to rush that one as I hope she can get it done for my trip.  The third quilt which is for Tina will take some time; she really gave me a challenge on that one.  It's a mini Texas Star style, trapezoids and fussy angles.

Well I hit the wall.  It has been a crappy week+, from extreme fights, to losing a friendship, to having to drive 25 minutes to the gym at off hours.  I am losing the will to go on with this journey.  I can't see the end anymore, can't see why i am doing this anymore.  It's damn hard and my body aches in places i didn't know I had.  My mind works against me.   Why did i even listen or give a sh*t about this journey?  There is no reward at the end, no payoff, nothing that matters to me anymore.  I need some words of encouragement, something.  write me (mrwertgumby@aol.com), call me (4694419755), send me a telegram (ask for the address).

Last night we had dance class, we added a few more steps to the Waltz and we learned the Foxtrot basic steps.  Yes, we did TANGO!  I even got to tango with Elaine the teacher, I did well; she didn't have to correct me at all and we did do some passing in the fast lane.  I don't like the constant turning in the small room; have to work on my signals to the partner as to when I am making a slight adjustment to the direction of the dance.  Guess it takes time and practice with a partner to get the flow down.  The foxtrot steps still confused me; I will be dancing them in the halls (No peeking!).

I found I need to leave the gym by 6:15am to just beat the traffic which means getting up at 3:15am and out the door by 4.  I can't wait for the pool to be fixed at my gym, still got 2 weeks for it. 

Finished another rag quilt yesterday and this one looks really beautiful, the fraying came out better than expected for a first time wash.  The person getting this quilt will be really happy with it; can't say who because it's a Christmas present.  I do have to do the label for it and my pirate and the others I am working on.  Keep my mind busy and from wandering where it shouldn't be.  I will be writing the instructions down with pictures for the rag quilts.  I keep forgetting those little things I found helpful in making them as well as the measurements. 

I know most are bored with this blog by now.  At the rate I am going with the weight I figure I got about 8 or 9 months before I hit my final goal of more than the original 150.  I think by this Christmas I will be half way through that 150.

Not sure about this new gym, especially in the mornings.  I was up and out the door at 4am and when I left the gym at 6:20am to go home to get ready for work; the traffic had started to get bad.  Don't know how I am going to do an evening session here as well as a morning with getting up before 4am now.  Geeze, the next two weeks are going to be tough.

I am up to 2 minutes on the elliptical; I get on it after a 30 minute walk every day now and try for a little longer each time.  Is there a forwards and backwards to it?  Can someone answer that?  I feel like there is.  Boy I got real respect for those people that get on that thing and just go like a madman.

Dance tonight, I will have to practice the tango in the halls today while doing my walks.  Hope no one catches me again!  I bet I looked real silly holding my hands out and tangoing down the hall.  This class was bigger than the last class; was crowded on the floor.

I booked my flights for my trip to Boston in December.  I am arriving on the 14th around 1pm and will be leaving around 4pm on the 24th.  I will be making plans to visit anyone who wants to see an old friend.  I do plan to spend a few days in Mansfield and probably on the Cape.  I miss the ocean bad and will be just sitting on the beach watching and listening to it.

Don't know what good thing I did lately but I skipped right over 287 and went to 286.8 this morning.  I thought I was cursed and doomed after the past few days.  Went to the doctors yesterday and got some new meds to help with the depression and anxiety.  I hope it helps. I found out this morning that I do need to go to the gym in Plano an hour or so earlier, the traffic home was a nightmare even the back roads were full.  (Just two weeks.)  I am still getting use to the new gym trying to find all the machines I use.  I did find them even the one I call the standing sit up weight machine.  I've been concentrating on my stomach muscles as that is where the bulk of the fat is on me.  I hope to get the skin to go back in shape so I don't have to have surgery to remove the excess skin. (YUCK!  Sorry for that image so early in the morning.)

I am trying to settle down my mind as well as my anger, I am keeping myself busy as much as possible.  I got a few quilts done and working on more.  (Guess I have to keep one now.  :-(   )     I am still writing, it's a slow effort right now as I don't like to write in anger.  I am packing slowly, filtering through the junk.  Boy I got a lot of cross-stitch stuff and half a box of stuff to make dream catchers.   Dance class tomorrow night and I haven't practiced this week, guess I will be tangoing in the halls.  The Waltz is easy; it's just like the Rumba except for the starting step and the lady's turn.  Probably will be more different steps that will be introduced tomorrow night.

288, I haven't been here in 13 years.  I haven't given up even though last night I hit rock bottom and sank even further.  It's funny how life wants life no matter what.  You can try but it will fight for survival.  I guess I am in this till the finish of this mother-f****ing journey.  I was very much liking myself and the things I had started to do again.  I should finish those things I started.  I am truly sorry for leaning so heavy on others.

Also The pool at the gym is closed for 2 weeks and I now have to drive 25 minutes to swim.  Means getting up at 4am now and not getting home form the gym till well past 11pm in the evening.  Not sure how this is going to go for me.

Well for an Active Rest day I did pretty well, I dropped a whole pound.  I am now 290.  I guess it was the dance class because we TAAAAANNNNNNGGGGGGOOOOOOOOed!  Yes on our first class we learned the Waltz and the Tango.  Boy I tell you I was shocked, I expected to get a tango lesson closer to the 3rd or 4th week of class.  Granted it was just the initial steps, the Tango Basic and a Tango Close.  I did ok for a first time.  There were a lot more people in this class and some very enthusiastic ladies which made for a very fun class.  Tina was very good at the tango too.  I just can't wait for the belly to go away so I can really be in form for the dance, you know close and flowing as one with each other. 

The Waltz basic square is just like the Rumba except for the step you start out on and of course the turn is different.  Had a bit of a dilly of a time with that one once she added the stepping forward and turning to meet the lady half way through her turn.  I got small steps and need to step bigger to keep up.  I think this class will be more fun than the Latin dance well at least less confusing.

I didn't swim this early morning as I had to take Tina to work and will pick her up from work and take her to the airport to get a car.  She is driving with her sister and grandnephew to see Tesia this weekend.  They are going to a Tech football game...Go Raiders!  Yes I will be on my own for the weekend and I will survive (Laugh).  I plan to walk, swim, sew, pack, walk, swim, walk, swim, sew, pack, sew, walk, and swim.  Wow, I got a fun filled weekend ahead of me.   I might get a little dance practice in there too; grab the cat and whisk her around.  (Bet she will hate that and run and hide!)  I am listening to Tango music on my Pandora to get in the right frame of mind for the coming weeks.

Today is my active rest day.  No walking or swimming today.  I slept in; couldn't wake up.  I am exhausted and tired.  Tonight we start a new dance class, the waltz, foxtrot, swing, and TANGOOO.  I sure hope she starts with a nice and slow dance my calves are killing me from the strength training last night, we moved up to a purple band and NO ROPE (thank God!).  That rope is still missing at the gym, I wonder who hid it?  Must be other rope-haters at the gym.  Not much has changed on the weight still hanging around 291.

I started on several quilts and am waiting for the material to come in the mail.  So, I thought I would do some of the rag quilts I had planned over the past year to do and never did; no more laziness for me, life is too short.  The first one is another pirate quilt; it should be 48 inches by 64 inches.  I should have it done by Sunday with no problems and probably will have started another one.  Both will be a light-weight rag quilts, that's only two layers of flannel.  I still have a number of baby rag quilts left from the all those ones I did in 2010 and never sold.  Guess I should get my ass in gear and put them out there again.
 

We are asked so often "How are you doing?" that the answer seems to not matter to both you and the person asking.  Well this morning I am doing a little better that yesterday and tomorrow I should be a little better than today both physically and mentally.  Yes, I had a therapy session yesterday and I learned a few things, the biggest thing I learned was that I have been mistaken.  Yup you heard it, I said I was wrong.  Laugh but those who know me know that I will freely admit when I am wrong. (One should be able to say "I was wrong" easily so that they can fix it.)  Well I was wrong in saying that one should be selfish about this type of journey or any type of self-improvement journey.  It's not selfish, it's self-preservation; you have to take care of yourself first before you can take care of others.  If you are unhappy how can you make others smile?  If you are doing something that doesn't feel right to you and is making you miserable then STOP IT!  It's like the old Henny Youngman joke: The patient says, "Doctor, it hurts when I do this." "Then don't do that!"(Laugh)  My advice is if you are unhappy with life then change it.

I know I have issues and I am dealing with them just fine at this point with my new outlook on life and my drive to a new place to be, happiness.  I know I will have to grieve for the loss of some people (my mother, my sister, and Andrew Thomas) in my life but right now I can't stop and do that, I have some place to be and I am in a hurry. That may seem to be cowardice on my part but it is how I choose to deal with those issues at this time in my life.  As for the misplaced love, well I know that will fade as it should; it can't go anywhere and I am learning to live with that. It breaks my heart but that is life.  I can only hope a new love will fill my empty heart when I am ready, probably at the end of this journey.  Who will it be?  I don't know and won't venture to guess as I have to keep focused on this hard work, this journey itself and not the payoffs or what will happen next in my life.

I did receive some unwanted news today.  Marshall informed me that they will be closing the pool at the gym for a few weeks and I will have to go to another Lifetime Gym to swim.  It means more drive time added to the morning rush.  Hopefully it won't be that bad and some good will come of it.  I have to start looking at the bright side of things.

I also added a link to site I ma using for my daily exercise and food intake which also is tracking my weight loss.  Looks pretty doesn't it?  I know it doesn't look like I made much progress so far :-(

Today is another day, seems like an endless stream of these days; they start out on a positive step and then go downhill fast for one reason or another.  Might be the weather too, it's been cold the last few days and a bit rainy, you know the shitty kind of day here in Texas.  I am at 291.4, seem to be holding but that may be I missed a night or so and we did eat out on Sunday.  We were going to a dance on Sunday but it actually was on Saturday so we missed out on learning the Mambo.  Tina did hear of a little diner right near us that does a dance on Tuesday nights, Salsa and that sort.  We probably will check it out.  Speaking of Dance, we start the new class this week where we will be learning the Foxtrot, Waltz, Swing, and the TANGOOOO.  Wish me luck; my back has been giving me fits for two weeks now.

Today is my first day of therapy, working on my state of mind.  Should be interesting what falls out when she shakes my head.  I fear a great many things will rise to the surface and I will not be good company for a while.  I have already been doing a lot of thinking.  I am sure everyone does a lot of thinking when they are alone with themselves on the treadmill or whatever exercise.  I do more thinking while I swim and I just zone out on the treadmill.  I started sneaking a bit on the elliptical; I can do it for a minute at time and will be expanding that as I hope to use that machine in a few months when I can actually RUN!  (OK quit laughing; I know the thought of me running is funny.  The only way you could have gotten me to run before was to have a maniac with a large butcher knife chase me.)  I have great respect for those who can do the elliptical.  How do you do it, seriously?

Thought I would treat myself to something extra today.  I bought aquatic gloves and goggles.  The gloves will give my more resistance and help build those arm muscles (lord knows I need it).  The goggles are to protect my eyes from infections, my new friend at the gym, Marshall, says I need them.  He's another New Englander lost in Texas and wanting out.  He swims every morning like I do.

Please don't read if you are easily offended by my perceived selfishness or darkness.  I wrote this because I needed to get it out for me.  I wrote this for me and only me.  I need to have this there for me to read maybe in 2 months, or 5.  Who knows I just feel I need to say this now so I am reminded then as to how I am thinking now.  Confused?  So am I.

Every day is a new day and I try to approach them as that.  But I forget that I am not alone in this world and must be careful of my actions, both taken and not taken.  Everything we do and don't do has a ripple effect upon not just our own life but those around us whether we like it or not.  I have been wrestling with the battle between responsibility and self-happiness.  Which is more important?  Which does one adhere to?  Which one will win?  My journey started because of fear and a desire in me that wasn’t my own and still part of it isn’t me or at least that’s how it feels.  Yes, I tried to add to that drive and thought I could further help my cause by placing other things in my path, carrots on a strings, but they are mere illusions, fantasies, pipe dreams.  Without dreams there is no hope and for this type of journey and one needs hope, a payoff at the end or else what’s the point?  Can someone tell me the answer to that? 

I got up this morning as usual and did my thing like I have been since August 6th and today I feel as though I am just going through the motions.  I have tried to add more to my life but I am accused of doing it for the wrong reason or a misplaced reason.  Maybe I am, maybe I am not.  I don't know.  I just know I can't do it for the reasons that I feel are not in my heart at this time.  I have to be honest with myself even if it pisses off those around me.  This journey is hard, very hard.  It is a complete change of life style and can only be accomplished with the right frame of mind, my own frame of mind.  I am the one doing it, I am the one feeling the pain in my body, I am the only one who can do this.  So why shouldn't I be the one to pick the reason for doing this?  The motivation is the key to continuing, that is the real secret I have learn these past 2 months.  I snorted then at my own pride in thinking I am so smart.  I know, who am I to make this statement, only recently have I really put forth the effort to do something about my weight and life I don’t have a degree in psychology or weight loss.  I am just a fat person who reached a point in his life where I don't want to be fat anymore.  I want more from life, from myself, and for myself.  The only one who can make this truly happen is myself and I need to have a reason, a reason that is so personal that it may even seem like it's selfish.  I still hold to the belief that the rewards both small and great should be self-picked despite who doesn’t like them. 

This is hard; don't be fooled by the little man behind the curtain.  This journey has to be wanted, craved, desired for it to really work.  Failure can't be an option and I mean failure in a big way, of just giving up and not getting there.  Small slips can happen; luckily I haven’t had any yet.  (Note the little word YET, yup, I do expect to have slip ups.  I pray I don’t but I do expect them as I am only human after all.)  I don't know where I will be at the end of this journey but I know I will be thin there.  I will probably has lost everything I have now but I don't value those things I have now because I don't value myself.  I am building value in myself; I see I am able to do this, able to make the change, able to stick with this hard work.  I do want a better life and I hope, no, I know I will have one when this is done.  Tomorrow I start therapy for my anger and misplaced love.  I know I will have to lose both; I will have to learn to live without either, one I want to lose the other I am afraid to lose.  Some things in life are very hard to do but all must be done.  Hopefully I will find true happiness when it all said and done.

OK today is a new day and I feel, well, GREAT!  Guess I needed a day off from myself and the journey's work.  Back at the grind this morning early.  Did my 30 minute walk and hour swim and now ready for what the day is going to throw at me.  I am strong! I am tough!  I can do this!  I am only 2 months into this journey I still got at least 8 to go, maybe more.

I loaded my quilting software yesterday and am excited about working on some quilts.  I think it will get my hands busy with my mind, get my mind off the hardship of the journey and show me one of the things that use to make me very happy.  I found a long arm quilter to finish out the quilts and do the binding.  I think I will be using her for these next few quilts, she has a good price per square inch for it.  Someday I would love to have my own long arm machine and do the finishing, not sure I want to do the binding.  Well the binding how it really should be done, with the blind stitching.  I know that doing the double stitching with a fold back works but I think the blind stitched binding looks so much cleaner. 

The writings have been going steadily, they may not be master pieces but they do help get some of the stuff floating in my head out.  It gets pretty noisy in there sometimes; have to flush it to quiet it down every now and then.

Today didn't happen.  Nothing happened today.  I couldn't get up this morning.  I did get up at 9 or so and had breakfast and went back to bed.  Called in sick and fell asleep till 1:30pm.  My allergies kicked in and all of the emotional and physical things that have been going on caught up I guess.  I feel like shit, probably look like it too. (Laugh!)

Tonight is the last class of dance and we will be signing up for another 5 weeks of dance.  I hope we can maintain it.  I guess I will call today and start some mental therapy to help with my issues.  I got a lot of anger in me and misplaced love.  Got to sort it all out before I am good for myself let alone someone else.

We did strength training last night, we DIDN'T do the ropes.  Thank god someone hid the  rope, I hate the rope. my right arm is so weak from the shoulder problem it hurts to do the rope.  Did I mention I hate the rope?  well I do, I hate the rope! (Laugh!) Wow two laughs in one post, either I am finding my funny bone or I am going nuts.  I do so miss laughing is was a big part of my life and want it back.  Yes, I was a jolly fat person.  Go figure.  I hope to be a jolly thin person soon and be able to share that laughter with someone special.

YEAH!  my quilting software CD came today.  I can start quilting again. Maybe I will fine some peace and happiness there.  Make some wonderful quilts.

Forgot to mention that I sent blood sugar numbers to the doctors yesterday and thy cut one of my Meds in half again, the one that drives my sugar down so much.  I can't wait to be off all of the meds.  I take a fist full of pills, well most of them are vitamins and other additives to help (so they say).

Life goes on.  It goes on whether we want it to or not.  I am still on my course, still driving at this slow pace but some say it's fast.  I guess I just want it to be over with so soon.  I have set my plans into motion for my trip in December back to the Boston area.  I know I will probably only be halfway (or near halfway) but I need a break from Texas and need to begin my search of the area for job and apartment.  I have high hopes for a better future as I am putting things in order in my head for it.  My body plan is in motion and I have found a pace and a routine, so that's good.

Happy words for those who want to only see the happy smiling face of others.  Good thoughts for you and your belief. Happy Happy Happy.  There, three happy words for you and yours.

I don't care at this point who reads this or who doesn't and who I piss off.  This blog is really for me to get the words out of my head and into reality.  I will be able to look back to now and see where I was from the future when I am either siting in shit or a happy place.  So if you don't like what you read here then I would suggest you stop reading my blog.  I can't be happy with someone else's dream of what should make me happy.  It doesn't work like that, never has and never will.  I thought I had a vague plan of how I want to get where I believed my happiness was only to have it pointed out that there is no hope for my slightest dream.  No hope. wow.  I am a sad creature, aren't I?  No matter the hopelessness of it all, I have to continue on with this new life, there has to be happiness somewhere out there for me.

Happiness . . . What makes me happy?  That's big question on my mind.  I have ideas what will make me happy but most are pipe dreams.  Should I chase those dreams?  Do I take a chance for once in my life?  Do I just go for it? Try for the brass ring?  Reach out and try to grasp that dream or do I play it safe and be not happy?  Life is full of choices each day and we make the small ones without thinking much about them.  It's the bigger ones that we don't like to make, those that take us into new territory.  It's the fear of that new territory that often keeps us from making the right choice.  I have so often feared that new unknown territory and have lost out on some really great adventures I feel. I don't want to pass from this world regretting the biggest thing I know would make me happy.  I can't, I shouldn't.  I have to at least try.  I have to step out there and at least try for that brass ring or my life has been for not.  So if I get hit by the oncoming train, I can at least say I tried.  That's all anyone can do . . . is try for their true happiness.

I still believe in myself.  I still believe in this type of self-journey one is allowed to be selfish; it's the only way one can have the determination to get to the end of this fat, unhappy, painful journey.

I know she won't be there in the end so don't piss on my parade!

Survived another weekend.  I am at 292.8, that's 30 pounds officially since August 5th when all this started.  Well the exercising started the next day but that was the day my life changed, hopefully for the better.  I know it will be healthier as for happier, that remains to be seen.  I have started back up with various things I use to do that made me happy.  I am not sure what I will do with those things I am creating; guess I will see where they end up as well.  I even pulled some writings for over a decade ago that I enjoyed writing.  I spent some time editing them for spelling and grammar now that Word does an even better job of it.  And i should be getting a new copy of the quilting software later this week so I can start making some quilts other than the rag ones I have been doing.

Friday night we did go out to the club and dance.  We good, I didn't make too much of a fool of myself on the dance floor (big smile), I even got to dance with the teacher, Elaine.  She was very happy that both Tina and I ventured out; she said most people aren't as brave when they first start learning.  This week is the last class and we will be signing up for another 5 week class to learn the other dances.  So Thursday will still be dance night.  I can't wait till I am thin, I really will be able to strut myself.

Yesterday we met with the trainer and he showed us some new exercises, even playing with the big rope.  I hate the rope; god I hate the rope.  My right arm is so weak from the shoulder problems I had long time ago.  I do need to work on that arm for sure.  I must say I will be one fit son-a-bitch when it's all done with or as I was corrected, when I am at the maintenance phase of my life.  Guess I will be doing this for the rest of my life; just wish I didn't have a hint of chlorine mixed with my cologne.  Speaking of, I do need to get more Dolce & Gabbana cologne.  You think they make one that will go with the hint of chlorine? (LOL)