This weekend was very hard and long.  I cleaned the pool filters Saturday to make the hot tub nice and bubbly and working at its peak performance for the coming visitors.  Helped Tina move the furniture and Shampoo most of the house carpet.  We also took the oldest cat to the vets to be put to sleep.

  On top of all that I had asked Tina for a divorce last Wednesday night.  I have become disillusioned with the marriage and it has been that way for a number of years.  I had numbed myself to all feelings to get through life.  It isn't one specific thing but a number of things but Tina feels it is because of the feelings I have for a person from my past that is once again in my life as a friend only.  I know that person will only be a friend to me and nothing more and at least that makes me happy and gives me something to live for at this low time in my life.  I say this now because Tina has been posting a status on FaceBook and I feel I needed to at least say something.  I am sorry for how I feel towards Tina at this time and am ashamed of it but I can't change how I feel, I can't go on living in such an unhappy mindless empty state.  I know I have to change myself and learn to love myself before I can truly love another person.  I pray to God and hope he still hears my prayers that I will find myself at the end of this journey happy and able to love.  I look for no pity or shoulder to cry on; this is my mess and I must clean it up.  I write this for no one but my future self to remember what I went through at this time in my life.

Enough of the depressing stuff.  I weighed in at 301.4 this morning.  Yesterday we met with the trainer and he took us through an hour of exercises that we need to add to our weekly strength training nights.  These exercises will help tighten up our core muscles and help get some balance to our changing bodies at least that's the line he gave us. (Personally, I think he got a kick out of seeing this fat old man balanced on a Bosu ball like a trained seal.)  We also had another dance lesson in the evening.  We learned a few more steps to the ChaCha, a turnout is what she called it.  I am totally lost on those dance steps guess I will need to Google them later today and practice in my office.  I seem to be doing a lot of dancing in my office. (Thank God for doors!)